LIFE HAS GONE TO FREEKIN HELL

Well, being me, my feeeling s are wrong no matter what. I was so sure I'd get a part in the play i started acting all cokey about it I get to school to find out I didn't get one. Now Racel was very helpfull and said that i didn't put as much into it as others did. Now I have this thing about over acting. SO i try really hard not to do it I think that was my problem I am so freeken pissed it is not even funny. I am Trapped. I'm all happy when school gets out, then i have to get into the car where Grandfather talks about his fights with grandmother, his not understanding why shes dieing, every little fuckin deatail about the day and the problems, (mostly the problems) TODAY for instece, I don't make the play, everyone else does, I am very embarrissed about this, it kills my self image, I'm jealouse of everyone, Joey is totley changed, says it him self that he has matured, i think it just means hes lost his innocence, making him a more tired, responsible, grumpy, Joey, not the vanella ice i know. Kristi and Kacy don't get it, I know they are full of sympthoy, but not empothy, they don't know what it is like for all of there friends, close friends, to get a part, and to be totley left out, I mad a fool of  my self. The day goes by and before you know it I'm in the car with Grandfather, whos first words are "I had a fight with Grandmother today, and i feel really bad" all i want to do is go home hate the world and sleep but i have to play Dr. Phill for 10mins. He talks about how he can't understand anything anymore, how its just that stage in the game and about her bowls. Now for the life of me i can't figure out why he thinks i need to know about her bowls but he tells me. I have heard some of the grooses things, he tells me the same thing every day over and over and over again, I ALLREADY KNOW THIS STUFF for christs sake i don't care if u gave away ur lawn cart today or what u did. But i Hear it, I would much rather take the buss home and get away from all of this. He then talks about Ben, Ben had recently taken the Bar Exam in Whyoming, Ben passed, Bens girl friend is allso a lawyer, a good one, better then Ben, Today Ben found out he didn't pass the Colorado Bar, his girlfriend did. Sound familure? So then i have to tell grandfather how unfair it is that Ben didn't pass and all this shit when in side I'm thinking STOP TALKING I JUST WANT U TO STOP TALKING. It accures to me that Ben is the only one who understands whatI'm feeling, but i can't talk to Ben now can I? Nope sure can't. Grandfather goes back to the fact that Aunt Lenor invited her eslf to lunch and He had to Un-invite her because grandmother dosn't like her and he didn't want to make things worse. She is mad cuz she isn't going to this wedding He is going to and she dos't understand why. Guess who is going? Mom. I have 5 things tomarow that involve her, she can't go, no she'll be with grandfather, who keeps bringing up how nice it is of her to go with him. Never does he relize that I have things going on tomarow that may involve her. Well he dosn't need to worry, they don't anymore. I can't stop going home with him or spending this long, awakward scilecne fill time with him, though it is slowley killing me. He waits all day to pick me up and poor his emotions out. I can't keep going from happy to sad or Depressed to Depressed sad. But i have to, if i stop, he stops. Life has gone to hell.